All Hope is not Lost

 

I like bringing a book everywhere I go. Whether I had the time to read it or not, that's a different story.

There were a couple of instances where random strangers struck up conversations with me. A fellow bookish I presume.

Once, I was reading Aristotle's Politics. 

A 20-ish young woman asked, "Is the book fun?". 

Her eyes were lively. 

I laughed. "I don't know, I just started reading it", I answered.

Just recently, while I was putting sugar into my cup of coffee, the barista read aloud what was on the book cover. 

"Muhammad. Prophet of Peace Amid The Clash of Empires". 

I glanced at him, and with a smile, I told him, "It's a good book". 

"How much is the book?" he asked. 

"Erm I don't remember". 

Then he continued, "I baca banyak buku pasal Nabi. I suka kaji. Oh I muslim". 

He probably needed to explain himself since he was wearing a face mask.

I laughed and told him, "Of course. Kita kena selalu baca pasal Nabi (Muhammad s.a.w.)"

These kinds of small talk are refreshing. Whilst the vast majority of people are worried about the booming TikTok and YouTube generations, these youngsters who read are still here. They're just silently living, buried in a sea of lives, like a treasure awaiting to be discovered.

The Reflection

The blue sky is as clear as a mirror

There I see a reflection of a person

Staring back at me

Though not as blankly as I am, while laying on this bed of grass

With eyes deep in question, the reflection sees me

The whole of me

And I realized, every questions that I have

I can seek the answer within myself

In my heart, in my mind 

Being Grateful

Being grateful might have different meaning to different individuals. Most of the times, we get immersed in our day to day challenges and predicaments that we forget to pause and realize that we have more to be grateful for. 

The ability to appreciate little things in life help us to move forward and celebrate life. Life itself is never perfect and will never be. It is the fitrah of this dunya. Perfection is only achieved in Jannatul Firdaus, the place where we belong and we shall return to, insha Allah. 

Take a few minutes in a day to write in your journal. It doesn't have to be a pretty journal nor should it be decorated excessively, unless pretty things make you happy :) List down the things you are grateful for for the day and see how your life changes. 

Alhamdulillah.

Do You Remember?

Remember. The time your mother said she's full even when she's not, just to let you have that last piece of chicken...

Remember. The time your father sacrificed his sleep, just to get you to the clinic...

Realise. Each time in prayer they think of you and make du'a upon du'a for you...

Realise. The lessons they teach, the advises they give, for your own wellbeing...

Think. Can they ever be replaced? Can you ever repay them?

Dan daku pun berkata

Rentak tari si daun sireh
Lemah gemalai mengikut bayu
Kisah nan pilu terputus kasih
Cederanya hati siapa yang tahu

Tegak berdiri si pohon tanjung
Harum mewangi menyusup kalbu
Tak tahan sudah hati menampung
Rindu dan cinta pada yang Satu

Cantik tak terperi si akik sungai
Kemilau sinar merias jari
Dosa menggunung merintih hati
Taubat bersungguh kembali mensuci

Mekarnya seroja di tasik pesona
Ditemani penyair melantun cinta
Daku hambaMu yang hina dan dina
Tunjukkan daku jalan yang Kau redha

Mawar merah ditaman

Bunga mawar mekar ditaman bonda,

Haruman nan indah menyisip segenap ruang,

Hati wanita jangan disentuh jika bukan niatmu untuk menyunting dirinya,

Biarkan saja dia menunggu yang pasti, yang buatkan hatinya riang.

It is a Union of Two Souls

Marriage. The question kept coming when you're now in your late 20s. Some questions were not harmful, some were hurtful. Rare it is to find those who sincerely care. Once I received an unwanted commentary, 'when i was your age, i was already married'. I was about to say 'so?' but I brushed it away and laughed instead. I have come to the point where I am happy and enjoy being a single woman. I get to do a lot of things that I enjoy doing, not saying that marriage is going to take that away because I know when the time comes inshaAllah I will enjoy being married. But please understand that this is the state that I am currently in. Single, happy with my family and friends. Biting my nails about the future won't help me. Marriage to me is a sacred union of two souls who constantly want to grow, together. Let me put my hopes onto Allah, for He knows what is best for me. The best that you can do for me is pray for my happiness and not imposing your perspective on me and other women.

Aspired to be the Inspired

Being in a group of women with so many talents and gifts to offer has aspired me to become a better woman. A woman of substance.

To achieve that I myself have to go through a journey of realization and acceptance.

Accepting that I am a human with potentials to grow. Tap into myself and see the gifts that He The Majestic has given me. At the same time realizing that I can and I will make mistakes. It is part and partial of learning, no?

It is only when we're in the arena battling the challenges thrown at us that we will come out as a woman with substance.

La hawla wala quwwata illa billah.

Locking yourself in.

Some part of you is locked and not shown to the public. That part is perhaps, the one you perceive as ugly, undeserving of attention from others. It might be true. But it might be false as well.

You have been shutting yourself out from people who really cares. Have you ever thought, that someone out there, is going to see that side of you and end up loving you more at their soul level? Just as much as you are able to show up in your innermost soul level?

Almost End of Year Reflection

"We can't be brave in the big world without at least one small safe space to work through our fears and falls" - Brené Brown. .

I've been reading and learning on vulnerability this past year and I think it has helped me so much. Putting it into practice is one of the worst nightmares, to show up as whole person with highs and lows is not easy as it seems. Materially, I did not acquire much this year (except for books that are piling up!). But to have my inner self grow, that is a much better achievement. All good things are from Allah The Most High, and the weaknesses are all mine. Alhamdulillah 'ala kulli hal.

 #halalfeetpose

Toughened Up

It might goes against my principle, against my faith, against everything that I have learned. But sometimes you can't help it. Every action has its consequences.

Bila Sampai Nanti

Mati itu sentiasa dekat.
Tanpa sedar ia selalu datang melawat
Menunggu detik dan tika
Bersediakah kita?

Pohon selalu pada Dia biar kita mati dalam iman bukan dalam alpa

Biar kita mati dengan hati bersih daripada cela dan noda

Sebab mati itu sentiasa menjengah dalam tidur dan jaga

Why Feel?

"The more we feel our joy, the more we feel pain".

To be able to feel, is a gift in and of itself. But to really feel, it can be overwhelming. Scary so as to speak. Kalau tak, mana kan ada bidalan orang tua 'Kalau seronok sangat nanti, ada yang menangis pula". Which is true. So we shut down. We put up walls so high, nobody can come through. We thought we are safe now. But we're wrong.

We've created a barrier that no love can come in, and no love can pour out of that sacred heart of us. That, is a calamity. A calamity for the heart, for the soul. We are dead before our appointed time. Instead my love, embrace the feelings. Don't be afraid of them.

They are making you alive.

Cerita Rindu

Wahai angin,
Khabarkan pada sawah padi,
Hijaunya senantiasa memikat hati,
Sampaikan pada sang unggas,
Nyanyian merdunya seakan memanggil lekas,
Si pencinta alam dan kedamaiannya

Cerita Makna

Dan bila mana bulan menampakkan dirinya, terbitlah cahaya gemerlapan di tabir bumi

Sekalian mergastua mula mengambil posisi, ayuh malam sudah tiba

Rehatlah.

Khabarnya esok matahari kan menyinari, setiap pelosok tidak akan terhindari

Bertebaranlah.

Kembali malam, kembali siang. Kembali malam, kembali siang.

Kembali begitu, kembali begini.

Cerita yang sama, diulang lagi.

Carilah makna dalam cerita yang sama. Jikalau tidak dicari makna, alahai kosongnya cerita.

Cerita itu, yang diulang.

The Drive.

With hopes and fears and passionate desires,

How can one not be engulf in fires,

Driven to change and driven to raise the bar of penitence, 

For one's self worth through His divine acceptance. 

The End is Just The Beginning.

2014 has its bitter sweet moments. Through love & lost, relief & pain, joy & sorrow, they were all priceless life lessons. Such is the nature of this life, the way we respond to each circumstances would either make us better or break us even further.
_____________________________________

The start of 2015 was something I'd never expected. The passing of Maklong on Friday 2nd January 2015 / 11 Rabiulawal 1436H marks another lost for our big family. May Allah grants His rahmah to her, overlooks her sins and reunite us again in His jannatul firdaus.

Friendly Reminder for Dear Me

A short note I posted a while ago on Facebook. The very reason why I find small things matter. 

I was in my room getting ready for work when the scent of bakhoor lit by Abah downstairs lightly spread all across the house. It was calming and enchanting.

Coming down, I was greeted by the birds outside singing happily and our cat Muffin meowing at us as she was about to be bathed saying 'Hello, good morning Kaklong, now can you help me get out of this cage? Bathing at this early hour is so not me'. Sorry Muffin, I can't help you. I'm off to work, toodles. See you later.
And so she sat there obediently sending me off with her Puss in Boot's eyes.

Driving my way to office was amazingly smooth alhamdulillah. Though surrounded by tall buildings and cars honking everywhere, looking at the green trees around released a few of the stresses that might have subconsciously embedded.

Making connection with nature (skies, trees, animals) somehow eliminates negativities and motivates oneself to be more calm and collected.

Dinding Hati

Kita dilahirkan suci murni, tiada sebarang penyakit hati. Namun dalam proses membesar kita akan berhadapan dengan bermacam rintangan dan ragam manusia. Manusia ego contohnya. Penyakit hati yang berangkai dan berjangkit tanpa kita sedar. Bagaimana?

Contoh, kita bertemu dan mengenali seseorang yang ego dan sukar. Kita semakin terluka lalu kita akan bina 'dinding' hati. A total shutdown. Tiada rasa. Lalu kita bertemu dengan keadaan dan watak yang lain. 'Dinding' hati masih ada malah diperkuatkan lagi binaannya. Nah, watak lain pula yang menjadi mangsa. Kita yang asalnya mangsa kini jadi pemangsa.

Cycle ini akan berterusan sampailah suatu ketika pintu hati diketuk dengan kasih sayang Allah, melalui kasih sayang watak lain yang benar benar jujur mahu meruntuhkan 'dinding' hati. Namun, jika kita masih ada dinding itu runtuhkanlah ia di dalam sujud. Jangan tunggu watak lain. Ini hidup kita, hati kita. Jangan biarkan keras lama-lama. Kerana ia milik Allah jua.

Hati yang bersih itulah yang menjadi ukuran buat kita, syurga atau neraka.

Motor dan Beg Galas

Waktu pagi hari Isnin macam biasa saya akan bangun dan bersiap-siap untuk ke pejabat. Walaupun terkadang rasa layu kerana dua hari sudah berehat dan kini perlu bekerja pula, namun digagahkan jua langkah. Ini lah rezeki yang telah Allah swt tetapkan buat diri ini. Syukur.

Bismillahi tawakkaltu 'alallah.

Langkah keluar rumah disertai permintaan pertolongan dan perlindungan kepada Allah Maha Kuasa.

Niat setiap hari mahu lihat dan faham segala kebaikan yang telah Dia sediakan buat saya yang banyak kekurangan ini.

Nah, waktu keluar simpang rumah saya disajikan dengan pemandangan yang menginsafkan.

Kecil sahaja mungkin, namun bila difikirkan, seribu satu macam hikmah boleh diambil iktibar.

Sepasang suami isteri yang juga dalam perjalanan ke tempat kerja menaiki motor di apit dengan tiga orang anak-anak kecil. Disangkut pula di bahu isteri beg galas, ke taska barangkali.

Mereka masih cekal ke tempat kerja. Masih kuat menghantar anak-anak ke taska mengharapkan anak-anak kecil itu memahami tugasan dan tanggungjawab mencari nafkah buat keluarga. Walaupun bermotor tiada teduhan tika panas dan hujan.

Saya berfikir sejenak.

Maka yang mana satu di antara nikmat-nikmat Tuhan kamu, yang kamu hendak dustakan? 

Surah ar - Rahman (55:13)