Almost End of Year Reflection

"We can't be brave in the big world without at least one small safe space to work through our fears and falls" - Brené Brown. .

I've been reading and learning on vulnerability this past year and I think it has helped me so much. Putting it into practice is one of the worst nightmares, to show up as whole person with highs and lows is not easy as it seems. Materially, I did not acquire much this year (except for books that are piling up!). But to have my inner self grow, that is a much better achievement. All good things are from Allah The Most High, and the weaknesses are all mine. Alhamdulillah 'ala kulli hal.

 #halalfeetpose

Toughened Up

It might goes against my principle, against my faith, against everything that I have learned. But sometimes you can't help it. Every action has its consequences.

Bila Sampai Nanti

Mati itu sentiasa dekat.
Tanpa sedar ia selalu datang melawat
Menunggu detik dan tika
Bersediakah kita?

Pohon selalu pada Dia biar kita mati dalam iman bukan dalam alpa

Biar kita mati dengan hati bersih daripada cela dan noda

Sebab mati itu sentiasa menjengah dalam tidur dan jaga

Why Feel?

"The more we feel our joy, the more we feel pain".

To be able to feel, is a gift in and of itself. But to really feel, it can be overwhelming. Scary so as to speak. Kalau tak, mana kan ada bidalan orang tua 'Kalau seronok sangat nanti, ada yang menangis pula". Which is true. So we shut down. We put up walls so high, nobody can come through. We thought we are safe now. But we're wrong.

We've created a barrier that no love can come in, and no love can pour out of that sacred heart of us. That, is a calamity. A calamity for the heart, for the soul. We are dead before our appointed time. Instead my love, embrace the feelings. Don't be afraid of them.

They are making you alive.

Cerita Rindu

Wahai angin,
Khabarkan pada sawah padi,
Hijaunya senantiasa memikat hati,
Sampaikan pada sang unggas,
Nyanyian merdunya seakan memanggil lekas,
Si pencinta alam dan kedamaiannya

Cerita Makna

Dan bila mana bulan menampakkan dirinya, terbitlah cahaya gemerlapan di tabir bumi

Sekalian mergastua mula mengambil posisi, ayuh malam sudah tiba

Rehatlah.

Khabarnya esok matahari kan menyinari, setiap pelosok tidak akan terhindari

Bertebaranlah.

Kembali malam, kembali siang. Kembali malam, kembali siang.

Kembali begitu, kembali begini.

Cerita yang sama, diulang lagi.

Carilah makna dalam cerita yang sama. Jikalau tidak dicari makna, alahai kosongnya cerita.

Cerita itu, yang diulang.

The Drive.

With hopes and fears and passionate desires,

How can one not be engulf in fires,

Driven to change and driven to raise the bar of penitence, 

For one's self worth through His divine acceptance. 

The End is Just The Beginning.

2014 has its bitter sweet moments. Through love & lost, relief & pain, joy & sorrow, they were all priceless life lessons. Such is the nature of this life, the way we respond to each circumstances would either make us better or break us even further.
_____________________________________

The start of 2015 was something I'd never expected. The passing of Maklong on Friday 2nd January 2015 / 11 Rabiulawal 1436H marks another lost for our big family. May Allah grants His rahmah to her, overlooks her sins and reunite us again in His jannatul firdaus.